


Cold plate, Cold heart

by shouldigayorshouldigo



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Sad Simon :(, baz supports it cuz his boss is MEAN, fluff fluff and more fluff!, simon quits his job, soft baz, spagetti
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25779799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouldigayorshouldigo/pseuds/shouldigayorshouldigo
Summary: Simon comes home in a.... well not in a good mood. It's up to Baz to find out what happened, to help in anyway he can! (It gets a bit angsty in here, this is ya'lls warning) :)
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Cold plate, Cold heart

**Baz**

I can tell Simon's upset the moment he walks in. His usual upbeat attitude has been replaced with a cold expression and a door slam. He throws his shoes off, and they land with a very loud 'THUMP'. I set the plate I was washing on the drying rack, and walk over to Simon, arms outstretched. He walks right past me. "Simon?" I ask, turning. He says nothing. "Tell me what's wrong, love." Still nothing. I try very hard to shrug it off, but it hurts when Simon gets like this. It reminds me so much of when we were at Watford, and those weren't exactly the best of times. Simon plops down on the leather couch, causing it to squeak. I sigh and walk back to the kitchen, pick up a clean plate, and dry it off. I pour pasta onto Simon's plate, then mine, making sure to add more sauce to Simon's as he likes it more than I do.

Moving quickly to the coffee table, I set both of the hot plates and cutlery down, and sit next to Simon. He turns to look and me and takes my hand. "Sorry, it's just- I had a- today was- UGH!" He tries to speak but ends up yelling a muffled cry, burring his head in a pillow. "Eat first love. It'll help you calm down."

"I'm not hungry"

Crowley! I nearly fall off the couch. Simon Snow -THE SIMON SNOW- isn't hungry? "What do you mean, you haven't eaten since lunch?" Simon's boss doesn't let him take breaks after lunch. She's extremely strict, and won't budge at all. "I'm just not, alright? Maybe later." He says, pulling a blanket over his head.

I'm not sure what to do... I want to give Simon as much time and space as he needs, but I also want to wrap my arms around him and will him to tell me what's wrong. I have a hard time handling things like this with Simon. He used to shut me out like this when we were roommates, but it was expected back then. Now... if he's doing it by choice... maybe I should take the hint? I try one last time to get him talking.

"Alright well, do you want to tell me about what's bothering you love?"

He shakes his head.

I wish he'd at least tell me what happened.

**Simon**

I don't want to tell Baz what happened.

He'd get mad, I know he will. I mean, he'd have a very good reason to. Honestly I'm mad at myself. It's just.... work was getting too stressful. Retail is too stressful. My boss is fucking insane, and she treats not only me, but my co-workers like shit. I mean, there's only so much I can take at one time. I already go to therapy, and I barely sleep anymore. Of course having Baz helps a lot, but I also don't want to keep burdening him either. He's just.... he's Baz. And he never tells me what's bothering him, so I feel that I'm invading his space when I tell him too much. The bloke's gone and made us pasta for Christ sake! And this is how I repay him! By having no way of paying him at all....

What I'm trying to say is... I quit my job.

And I can't even muster the courage to tell Baz. I don't know what to do! If I tell him, he'll be so disappointed, but if I don't tell him then he'll just be upset and think I don't trust him.

Baz tries to get me to spit it out multiple times, but I can't find the right words. I stumble through a sorry excuse for a sentence, but I give up and bury my face in a pillow. Even then, Baz tries to talk to me. I just can't do it. It's like a weight on my chest, all the stress and anxiety, and I don't want to put any of it on Baz. He's told me that I should, that he doesn't mind. He's told me so many times that he wants to help, that he's here, that I'm not alone, but it doesn't matter because I feel so alone. I feel so, so alone and so, so ashamed.

My finger are gripping onto each other, and my knuckles have gone white. Tears starts to roll down my face and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from sobbing out loud. I let the tears come. It makes me feel better.

**Baz**

At first I just let Simon be. He usually has a hard time with words, but he eventually gathers himself and spits it out. This should be no different. So I wait. I eat my pasta. Simon says nothing. I flip through some channels on the tv. There's never anything to watch anymore. I find something decent enough (the news) and leave it on. Simon still hasn't said a word.

I've started to worry about Simon a lot more than I used too. Probably because there's so much more to worry about. He barely sleeps anymore. The amount of sleepless nights we've endured together is endless. It's affecting Simon much more than me, and he gets more and more fragile with every passing day. Although he can't go off anymore, he still heats up and thrashes whenever he has a nightmare. And when I say 'whenever' I mean almost every night. I'm so worried about him. All day and all night he's all I think about. The fact that he doesn't feel he can trust me.... the fact that he doesn't think he can tell me things.... it hurts more than any monster I've ever had to face.

Around a half hour has passed when I decide to take action. Whatever is bothering Simon must be bad, so I have to be gentle with him. I pull the blanket off his head (how has he not suffocated? I swear he still has some magic in him) and wrap it around him instead. I gently turn him so he's facing me, and take his hand. His eyes are glued to his lap, so I tilt his chin so he's looking at me. "Simon, love, what's wrong? You haven't eaten and that very much isn't like you." I notice the red around his eyes and a slight puffiness and realize he must have been silently crying while his face was in the pillow. How did I not notice earlier? Simon turns his head away, and I see a small tear run down his cheek.

"Is it your boss? Did she - did she do something?" It occurs to me that whatever happened to him was at work. I hear a few stifled sobs before he turns his head back towards me. He buries himself not in a pillow, but in my shirt, his bronze curls tickling my neck. "Baz I'm so sorry! I didn't mean... t-to but I couldn't... I just-she is... don't be mad!" Simon stutters and mumbles through a very confusing sentence. "It's alright love, I won't be mad at you... take a breath, and try again. We have all the time in the world."

He goes silent for a few minutes before finally saying, "Baz... I quit my job."

**Simon**

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I brace myself for the worst. I'm really hoping Baz will let me stay in his shirt for just a few more minutes. I'd like to hide here as long as I can, in the comfort of the fabric and feel Baz's cold body on the other side. I know the second that he registers what I say, he'll be furious. He won't sleep with me tonight, and just that thought alone makes me feel tears stinging my eyes. He won't let me hold his hand for at least a week, at best. Not until I find a job. Not until I can carry my weight. Not until I'm worth something.

_I'm dead weight. Dead weight on a Pitch no less._

I'm so convinced that Baz will never speak to me again that I almost miss the "Good. Your boss was fucking insane."

I look at Baz in disbelief. "Wha-what?" I stammer. "I said good. You boss was fucking insane. You deserve a good workplace and a nice boss." Tears well up in my eyes as I register the words he's just said. "So... so you aren't gonna stop talking to me... I-I'm not dead we-weight.?" Now it's Baz's turn to look at me in disbelief. "Simon... why would you ever think that I'd stop talking to you? We'll just find you a new job -one that you like- and everything will be fine. And you most certainly are _not_ dead weight, love. Everyone goes through change. This is just what's happening with you right now."

I sigh in relief and wrap my arms around his neck. Baz holds me from my waist, and pulls me onto his lap. He kisses the mole on my neck, and I press my face into his hair. A soft moan escapes my lips as he tilts my face down and kisses me, slowly and gently. After a few minutes he goes back to my neck, and I follow, willing him to cover my lips with his again. It feels so nice, and I didn't realize I was so starved for this kind of attention. I spend so much time worrying about what will happen in the future, I forget I'm alive right now. 

Baz tugs at the hem of my shirt, and slips his fingers under the fabric. I shiver, not from the coldness of his body, but at his touch. He rubs circles onto my back, soothing and calm, and I feel myself melting into him. He lifts his other hand and gently runs it through my hair, tilting my face down, once again, and kissing me. This time I take his face in my hands, so he can't let go. He can't pull away.

"Simon, love, you should eat something."

I open my eyes and Baz lifts my hands off his face. 9:30. We've been at it for an hour, and I still want more. I look at Baz and pout, my arms wrapping around his neck. "But I don't want toooooo." I say. He laughs.

"Baz?"

"Yes, love."

“Thanks for making me pasta. Even if I don’t wanna eat it and it’s cold."

We both laugh as he passes me my cold plate, and tugs me back onto his lap.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! What a roller coaster! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!


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